Christmas List of a Faux Homesteader: - A cross bow to poach one of the deer that bats it's giant eyes at me 10 feet from my deck. - Squirrel zapper or trap or maze - Bird seed to replace the bags demolished by the squirrels. - an artificial christmas tree and pine scented candles to make up for my inauthenticity. Sigh - it's how far I've fallen.